Not a Geek for Summer

I foresee 6 months of grumpiness in my future. The weather is turning warm. The spring flowers are blooming. People are taking fun vacations. Children are playing outside. And, I hate it all. That’s right I said it. I am a winter person. Give me the snow and cold temperatures. Give me the holidays. Winter is a time I can bundle up without being accused of laziness. I am a fluffy individual therefore I am better built for winter. In the winter I can easily regulate the temperature to be warm. In the summer no matter what I try to do, I am hot.

So, until the weather cools back I am going to try to hibernate and avoid all the summer activities. When my wife is not looking, I’m going to crank up the air conditioner, bundle up and take a nap. I’ll dream of overcast skies and snowstorms.

Here now is a list of reasons why I hate summer. Maybe you will be able to sympathize.

1. The car in front of me is blowing cigarette smoke into my 

    car and in my face.

2. “Daddy, it's not bedtime. The sun is still up.”

3. Daisy Dukes and tank tops are a privilege, not a right!

4. $#%$&^$*%()*#^#% mosquitoes

5. Mowing, weeding, planting, pruning, fertilizing, watering, 

    harvesting

6. 20 motorcycles causing an earthquake as they go past  

    my house

7. Uncaged children

8. I'm sweating like a raped ape and my deodorant gave out 

    3 hours ago

9. Your deodorant gave out 3 hours ago

10. Cars racing up the street

11. Gas prices are higher

12. Everyone is freaking out how global warming is worse 

      this season. Global warming happens year round!

13. My neighbor shooting off illegal fireworks

14. My teen: “Ha ha you have to go to work. I get to play 

      video games all day”

15. I miss my hoodie

16. I'm sticking to chairs

17. The sun is up two hours before I have to get up

18. Children matinees

19. I've sniffed more pollen than a cocaine addict on a binge

20. Family Reunions

21. Droughts

22. Road Construction

23. Massive motor homes that can’t do the speed limit and 

      can’t drive a straight line.

24. Warm Soda. It makes hydrating really crappy.

25. No matter how far I strip down, I’ll never cool off.

26. No one wants to see me strip down.

 Thanks To:
       Grumpy by Amelia-Ami-Chan @ Deviantart.com 
       A Warm Bed by Faustsketcher @ Deviantart.com
       Winter Smile by Pluvias @ Deviantart.com