Food Geek

Food Geeks, or Foodies, is a subject close to my stomach. I once heard the saying, “Never trust a bald barber. They will have no respect for your hair.” I feel the same way about chefs and food lovers. A good chef is someone who is going to have at least a little girth around the waist, because they love the taste of food and they are always trying new dishes. Same with a Foodie, how can a person love to taste and eat food, but look like a stick? A true Foodie and a good chef are going to have some roundness to them.

I believe Jimmy Kimmel is a Food Geek. Long before he had his own late night show, he co-hosted a show on Comedy Central called “The Man Show.” He did this piece on how to attack a buffet. His first rule was you never go near the salad. The salad is the cheapest thing on the buffet and you are wasting precious tummy space that could be used on steak and shrimp. Vegetables are alright, so long as they have been breaded and deep fried. Speaking of bread, rolls are only to be used to soak up a tasty steak juice. Finally, desserts are for when you are full and you just want to push yourself into that painful territory of stuffed. I think the thing to take away from Kimmel’s lesson on eating at a buffet was how to give yourself a heart attack.

I am not really a Foodie. I do not write restaurant reviews. I just can’t bring myself to be critical of someone’s hard work like that. I am also not a chef. I used to cook, but then I met my wife. I would cook for her. On later dates she would cook the same dishes I made and they would be a hundred times better. I decided there was no more reason for me to cook.

My tastes are typical male tastes. My favorite foods are pizza, Cheeseburgers, sandwiches, and steak. There are specific ways I like to have each of these foods. I’ll eat any pizza as long as there are no anchovies and no pineapple, but my favorite pizza is mushroom, olive, sausage, and bacon. There is a local place here that has an amazing beer batter pizza dough.

Again I love cheeseburgers in many different forms. My favorite cheeseburger has tomatoes, mushrooms, bacon, and swiss or provolone cheese. I actually forego condiments on my favorite burger. Yes, of course there has to be fries.

I’m not too particular about my cut of steak, but I do prefer it to be cooked medium to medium well. I like just a little pink. Most people think the steak is tough if it’s cooked that long. If done right, it is still really tender. I think Texas Roadhouse cooks the best steaks. I really do not care for sides with my steak. I just assume only have the steak, however I love my steak smothered in sautéed mushrooms.

Finally there are sandwiches. I think it is an amazing concept to take just about any ingredients you want and shove them between two slices of bread. It is so easy and fast. When I’m serious about my sandwiches it has to be a deli sub. I prefer wheat bread. My favorite is chicken and bacon with melted provolone cheese. I like some veggies on my sandwich such as sprouts, mushrooms, olives, avocado, and tomatoes. I usually just go with mayonnaise and oregano. The thing I cannot understand is the obsession with lettuce. Sandwich makers dump so much lettuce on you cannot find the sandwich. It’s like the maker gets a bonus if they get rid of a pound of lettuce for each sandwich sold. I can’t stand it.

I guess you would call my favorite foods “comfort foods,” but if you are going to eat food, don’t you want to be comforted. I get the idea you need to eat healthy items, but when it doesn’t taste good or it stares back at you then the food is not comforting. It’s actually kind of scary. The other thing about comfort food is it has to be that go to dish that you know you will like and at the end you will be happy. At our favorite restaurant my wife always orders the same chicken salad with blue cheese crumbles. I either order my favorite cheeseburger with bacon and mushrooms or I get chicken quesadilla. We both always look through the menu and we see meals that look really tasty, but then when the waitress shows up we always go for our comfort food.

I know we need to exercise and eat right. It is something that I will work on one of these days. My thing is I am trying to eat right, but I am trying to meld healthy eating with good tasting foods that I like. I am truly waiting for the Star Trek food processor that creates food out of thin air. The futuristic food processors make whatever food you want, but it is made from the nutrients your body needs. You hear me scientists! I’m looking at you! Get on that food processor. 

Thanks To:
      Japan is Eating by Skytabula @ deviantart.com
      Pizza Eating Kitty by Tracerhank @ deviantart.com
      Sandwich San by CaramelCat123 @ deviantart.com
      Love is Eating by Hjstory @ deviantart.com
      Exercise Devotional by TheMacronian @ deviantart.com